Bereavement and Fetal Loss
Dr.Moore: Handsome happy-go-lucky
vice-presidential hopeful Sen. John Edwards is a "bereaved
parent". His teenaged son died in a car accident. Their
decision to have two more children was different than some 50-year-old
parents might have made, none-the-less right for them.
Mothers who miscarry or deliver a stillborn baby have a particularly
under-recognized burden. That is, family and friends do not
realize how important that unborn child was in the parents lives.
Complicating matters is the combined grieving of the father
and sometimes older siblings with its resulting stress on relationships.
Fetal demise is very common. It has been estimated to involve
as much as 65-75% of all conceptions. Albeit, many occur before
the woman knows she is pregnant. The vast majority occur in
the first trimester. Still, when it happens to you, you may
feel like you're the only one who has ever had a miscarriage.
When a fetal demise occurs, there will be bleeding or spotting,
the uterus contracts and there is a delivery of the fetus. Sometimes,
parts of the placenta do not completely detach and must be removed
manually with a minor surgical procedure (D & C or D &
E). It is no surprise that the emotional healing takes significantly
longer than the physical recuperation.
Recognizing grief and allowing yourself time to pass through
its stages--denial, anger, bargaining, depression and guilt,
then acceptance, is the beginning of this recovery. Some personal
suggestions: 1. Share your feelings with others. 2. Keep busy.
3. Be active and exercise regularly. It releases mood-lifting
endorphins and helps you sleep better. 4. Watch your diet and
your health. 5. Delay important decisions. 6. Be mindful of
the family you have 7. Join a support group, such as SHARE.
A listing of this and other resources can be found at: http://washingtonpublishers.com/resources.htm
8. Finally, if you need it, do not hesitate to get professional
help. Remember--take one day at a time.
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Readers may send questions to this
email address. This column is for informational purposes
only and is not a substitute for professional or medical advice.
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